Why are goodbye's always awkward? I mean, it doesn't matter how brief the period is.. I always hate saying goodbye. Am I the only one that feels that way? I hate it. My palms get sweaty, my throat clams up. It's just not a good feeling. What makes goodbye's even harder is when you know that a goodbye is forever. I never have been good at those.
It takes me a while to accept moving on when I have had to say a permanent goodbye.. and I admit that I can sometimes carry it with me, longer than I should. I say all this to say that I am finding it very difficult to deal with a certain celebrity death that has occurred very recently. At this point, I don't care what the world has to say about me, I am just being real and honest and if the world doesn't like that or can't handle that, then there is nothing that I can do about it. Michael Jackson was declared dead on June 25, 2009. Now, that may not mean much to any of you out there, or for some of you maybe it does. If it holds any weight with you, it may simply be because whether you like it or not, one of the world's greatest entertainers has passed away. Or it may simply be because virtually everyone knows who he is. Or it may be because there was so much controversy surrounding his life. Whatever your reason, I think you will all agree when I say that it literally seemed as if the world stood still for just a few moments when he died. I, for one, can truthfully state that I have never witnessed a death that has had such a dramatic impact on the rest of the world. Say what you want about the man, but we're talking about the man who made various world famous internet sites crash when the news of his death hit public ears. That's intense, whichever way you look at it.
I guess I'll just be honest, and I'm going to be very transparent. Though it has been 2 weeks since Michael Jackson has passed, I have had an incredibly difficult time dealing with it. I just can't get out of this funk that I find myself in over it. A lot of people are just very intolerant about it, or they just don't understand. Allow me, then, to explain. As many of you may already know, I haven't had a pretty past. It's been bumpy, and rough, and I've had to grow up very quickly. My biological parents passed away when I was very young, and pretty much immediately thereafter there was a custody battle over me and sister that left me scarred. I have had to deal with emotional and physical abuse as a child, feeling as though I was a burden and unwanted amongst my own family (save for a few, such as my 2 sisters, nephews, nieces and a 2 cousins), and never having a home because my family passed me on from home to home. I don't feel sorry for myself, though. My life isn't perfect, but it's good now, and I know that though God didn't plan for all those things to happen to me, He used them to mold me into who I am today. He has proven Himself real to me and saved me from the meaningless existence that I was living, he has given me an adopted family who mean the world to me (as do my biological siblings, nephews, nieces and cousins), and he has called me to a higher purpose and for that, I am grateful. However, I do have to say this. I need to give credit to a person that played a vital role in my life. That man, is Michael Jackson. Though I have never met him before, he has made such a positive impact in my life that I cannot simply let his death go by unspoken for. When I was a little girl, Michael Jackson meant the world to me. I am sure that many of you can relate, whether it was a certain cartoon, or actor, or actress. For me, as long as I can remember, it was Michael Jackson. I wasn't a Christian at this point, I came to know Christ when I was 15 years old, and I want to make it completely and totally clear that I am NOT in ANY WAY stating that Michael Jackson was like my personal saviour. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour and I am resolute in that. But, I do however, have to say that Michael Jackson played a very important role in my life, that I can never forget and I owe him a debt to which I don't believe I can ever repay him. When trying times came my way as a small girl, I had no one or nothing to cling to or turn to, so I turned to what made me happy at the moment. As a small girl, this was Michael Jackson.. his music, his videos, his concerts. All I knew was that Michael made me smile when I couldn't find a reason to.. that he was able to lift my spirits when as a little girl, I couldn't find the strength to lift my own. It may not mean much to you, but it meant the world to a small, broken girl and I have to be honest, when Michael died, I felt like a part of me died with him. How do you get over the death of someone that you owe all your childhood happiness to? I know I didn't know him in real life, but I felt like I knew him personally. This is much more than a celebrity death to me, I feel as though a family member has passed away, and I don't know how to make my heart beat in the same rhythm. It will take a while for me to get over this, but eventually I will. I just feel a deep sense of sorrow over his passing.. for various reasons. I shall explain those reasons in a blog that I will write tomorrow, simply because I have ALOT to say on the matter and I feel I have said enough in this specific blog. So for all you faithful readers out there, stay tuned, part II shall be added tomorrow. Thanks for reading today.
