Speak. Listen. Repeat.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving to all you lovely ones out there. :)
I hope your day was full of merriment, laughter, joy and warmth.
Woke up early yesterday morning to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and it was splendid. I can't quite explain why I love that parade so much, but I always have. I suppose it has something to do with the whole awesome holiday spirit that emanates from it, but it's also something about seeing so many children, mothers, fathers, siblings happy if even for a few minutes on a T.V. screen. Some families, I am sure, come together specifically for the parade.. and if something like an annual parade can unite families, than I am all for it. So many children come from broken families and I try to make it habit to pray for those smiling, red cheeked faces that appear on the television screen during the broadcast. What saddens me about the whole ordeal is that in some cases, you know that it is merely temporary. It's sad, sad thing when something as small as a parade can unite families, but important things such as love, per se, cannot.




So for Thanksgiving dinner, we went over to the Garrido's and we had so much fun. We ate and went to the movie theatre to watch The Blindside, which by the way, is a great movie.







I cried for most of the movie, but then again, I knew going into it that that would be the case. I cry at the drop of a hat, I kid you not. Haha. It's comical, I suppose.. but in a strange way, I am thankful that I am wired with emotions as strong as mine. It's in the genetic DNA of an artist, I guess. :)

Things that I am grateful for, you ask? I thought you'd never ask. :) I am thankful for my God. I don't know where I would be without Him.. He is my EVERYTHING and without Him I am NOTHING. I love Him the whole of this beating heart. I am thankful for my family. It may be a broken family.. but I am thankful for them nonetheless. I am especially grateful for my sister and my nephews. I could not ask for better. I am also SO SO SO grateful for my adopted parents.. they are way more awesome and greater than I deserve and I thank God everyday for placing them in my lives. I am thankful for my wonderful friends. They keep me sane and have become more like family to me than anything else. They shine brighter than the sun in my eyes. It's true. I am thankful for the calling that the Lord has placed on my heart and I am thankful that He has made it possible for me to be able to fulfill that calling. I am thankful for the bright future that He has laid out for me. I am thankful for the food that I have to eat, the bed that I have to sleep in, and for the roof that I sleep under. I know that it is a commodity that many do not have and I praise God that He has blessed me with such simple commodities. I am thankful for books, for art, for music, for film, for laughter, for health, for snow, for love, and for life. Jesus is GOOD and I am thankful most of all for Jesus dying on the cross for a wretched sinner like me and for giving me life, and that more abundantly. May I decrease, so that He may increase.



So I discovered another awesome artist and have been listening to her non-stop for the past few weeks. Her name is Russian Red and she is absolutely fabulous.

I am not a huge fan of female singers.. but it seems that the female gender has been stepping it up lately in the music department because my list of favorite artists as of late grows largely female by the day. Yay for being a girl! I think I shall post a blog about music and my favorites in the future. I would try now, but alas, a major headache is moving in. Sadness. I love you all dearly! Later loves. :)

.:Ma Chere Etrange:.

Libros Bellos

See.. I have kept my promise thus far. This is my second post in ONE week! :)

And, just to be frankly honest, I'm not quite even sure why I am posting this. I have absolutely nothing to blog about, but I really felt like blogging so here goes. :) For some reason, I have had my days off from work two in a row.. and that rarely happens. Usually, I will have say, Sunday and Tuesday off, but never Monday and Tuesday consecutively. Anywho.. I noticed that though it is relaxing.. it is probably not the most beneficial. Haha. Allow me to explain. Apparently my mind and body get into the "WOO HOO! Days off!" mindset and it takes me a little longer to get used to reality and actually be fully functional in the workplace. It was so difficult to get into the groove of things today.. and there was a myriad of things that did not quite go smoothly.. not to mention.. today wanted to be a freak of nature and give us more customers than I have ever seen pile into our Starbuck's.. it was insane! We had lines completely out the door for a large part of the day. Needless to say.. I was elated when I got off of work at 1 pm. I did, however, manage to get a pound of our Starbuck's Thanksgiving Blend to enjoy on Thanksgiving! :) I am soo excited about Thanksgiving this year.. I am vacillating between making pumpkin bread or green tea cheesecake with raspberry tisane. Pumpkin bread will probably win out though.. since it is seasonal and all.. :) And yay for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.. I so wish I could be there in person. Maybe next year? :)

So I popped on over to Barnes and Noble after work (and I'm still quite sad that we don't get our discount there even though Barnes partners with Starbuck's.. lame) and bought a few classic books that I have been meaning to purchase such as Wuthering Heights, Les Miserables, and Sense and Sensibility. Books seriously are like cocaine to me. I am constantly reading.. sometimes.. more than one book! I don't mind being a nerd, though. 8) I love my books.

New Moon! Watched it twice this weekend.. it was that good. All I have to say is.. Auuuu! :) Taylor Lautner is too hot for his own good. I feel like a cougar.. but I can't help it.. the boy is beautiful. *swoon* He's only.. what.. 5 years younger than me? :) ) And I have to say, I love his long hair. Beautiful.

Wow.. this post is incredibly lame and unproductive. I suppose it happens from time to time. I'm going to go make some coffee and use my new reindeer mug while reading Les Mis.

Besos y abrazos.

.:Ma Chere Etrange:.

Fall Loveliness

Goodness. It's been so long since I have been on here.
Tssk. Tssk.
I don't think very many people read this to begin with, so I'm sure it's not that big of a deal.. but alas, I shall attempt to write more often.
So lots of changes have been made since I have updated last!
It's really just crazy and I find myself still reeling from change.. but it's a good change, and I am looking forward to what God has planned for me. :)

So.. Fall is here! And it makes me happy. It's getting chillier out, and everything just smells nicer. Crisp. Lovely, in short. Is it just me, that thinks that Autumn has a distinct smell and feel to it? Idk.. maybe it is, but I love, love, love it. Thanksgiving is next week and I am looking forward to that.. AND I get Black Friday off which means I get to do some wicked holiday shopping.. which I am stoked about! :) Oh.. yeah.. I don't think that I have gotten a chance to update the rest of the blogger/blogspot community, but as of about a month and a half ago I have officially begun to work at Starbuck's! All the free coffee and tea I can dream of and I am happy. :) I won't lie.. the first two weeks were difficult.. but I find that I am really enjoying it. We just had our holiday change over in our store a few days ago and everything is all Christmasy and wonderful. Holiday mugs are out.. (I bought an amazing reindeer one that I am quite fond of) and starting TODAY.. all Starbuck's partners (employees) get 40% off of their Starbuck's purchases! Hello, mugs and french press, and the new Swell Season CD that I have been eyeing for weeks!

OH! And New Moon is tonight! I am going to the 10 pm showing at Aventura Mall and I'm excited! Kind of nervous.. considering I don't know really know any of the people that I am going with.. but excited nonetheless. :) Well, I must be going, but I shall post more later.

.:MaChereEtrange:.

Saying Goodbye

Why are goodbye's always awkward? I mean, it doesn't matter how brief the period is.. I always hate saying goodbye. Am I the only one that feels that way? I hate it. My palms get sweaty, my throat clams up. It's just not a good feeling. What makes goodbye's even harder is when you know that a goodbye is forever. I never have been good at those.
It takes me a while to accept moving on when I have had to say a permanent goodbye.. and I admit that I can sometimes carry it with me, longer than I should. I say all this to say that I am finding it very difficult to deal with a certain celebrity death that has occurred very recently. At this point, I don't care what the world has to say about me, I am just being real and honest and if the world doesn't like that or can't handle that, then there is nothing that I can do about it. Michael Jackson was declared dead on June 25, 2009. Now, that may not mean much to any of you out there, or for some of you maybe it does. If it holds any weight with you, it may simply be because whether you like it or not, one of the world's greatest entertainers has passed away. Or it may simply be because virtually everyone knows who he is. Or it may be because there was so much controversy surrounding his life. Whatever your reason, I think you will all agree when I say that it literally seemed as if the world stood still for just a few moments when he died. I, for one, can truthfully state that I have never witnessed a death that has had such a dramatic impact on the rest of the world. Say what you want about the man, but we're talking about the man who made various world famous internet sites crash when the news of his death hit public ears. That's intense, whichever way you look at it.
I guess I'll just be honest, and I'm going to be very transparent. Though it has been 2 weeks since Michael Jackson has passed, I have had an incredibly difficult time dealing with it. I just can't get out of this funk that I find myself in over it. A lot of people are just very intolerant about it, or they just don't understand. Allow me, then, to explain. As many of you may already know, I haven't had a pretty past. It's been bumpy, and rough, and I've had to grow up very quickly. My biological parents passed away when I was very young, and pretty much immediately thereafter there was a custody battle over me and sister that left me scarred. I have had to deal with emotional and physical abuse as a child, feeling as though I was a burden and unwanted amongst my own family (save for a few, such as my 2 sisters, nephews, nieces and a 2 cousins), and never having a home because my family passed me on from home to home. I don't feel sorry for myself, though. My life isn't perfect, but it's good now, and I know that though God didn't plan for all those things to happen to me, He used them to mold me into who I am today. He has proven Himself real to me and saved me from the meaningless existence that I was living, he has given me an adopted family who mean the world to me (as do my biological siblings, nephews, nieces and cousins), and he has called me to a higher purpose and for that, I am grateful. However, I do have to say this. I need to give credit to a person that played a vital role in my life. That man, is Michael Jackson. Though I have never met him before, he has made such a positive impact in my life that I cannot simply let his death go by unspoken for. When I was a little girl, Michael Jackson meant the world to me. I am sure that many of you can relate, whether it was a certain cartoon, or actor, or actress. For me, as long as I can remember, it was Michael Jackson. I wasn't a Christian at this point, I came to know Christ when I was 15 years old, and I want to make it completely and totally clear that I am NOT in ANY WAY stating that Michael Jackson was like my personal saviour. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Saviour and I am resolute in that. But, I do however, have to say that Michael Jackson played a very important role in my life, that I can never forget and I owe him a debt to which I don't believe I can ever repay him. When trying times came my way as a small girl, I had no one or nothing to cling to or turn to, so I turned to what made me happy at the moment. As a small girl, this was Michael Jackson.. his music, his videos, his concerts. All I knew was that Michael made me smile when I couldn't find a reason to.. that he was able to lift my spirits when as a little girl, I couldn't find the strength to lift my own. It may not mean much to you, but it meant the world to a small, broken girl and I have to be honest, when Michael died, I felt like a part of me died with him. How do you get over the death of someone that you owe all your childhood happiness to? I know I didn't know him in real life, but I felt like I knew him personally. This is much more than a celebrity death to me, I feel as though a family member has passed away, and I don't know how to make my heart beat in the same rhythm. It will take a while for me to get over this, but eventually I will. I just feel a deep sense of sorrow over his passing.. for various reasons. I shall explain those reasons in a blog that I will write tomorrow, simply because I have ALOT to say on the matter and I feel I have said enough in this specific blog. So for all you faithful readers out there, stay tuned, part II shall be added tomorrow. Thanks for reading today.

Crackle

Just when I think I can breathe again, my bones quickly shatter to the floor.

I don't understand how I can be doing great one second, and the next second feel so completely helpless. How can one person render so much pain without even doing anything at all? I need to get away.. I need to be free of this maniacal hand that clutches me close when I'm mere moments away from flying. I am getting better. Every day will be a better day than the one before it, I have to believe that.. God is my Strength and He is truly all that I need. God will mend my bloodied heart, and the cuts will heal and it won't hurt so bad anymore. Scars may remain.. and my heart may jolt and ache when his scent reaches my nostrils or when the shadows slyly slip past my defense.. but I have to rely on God, I have to seek Him, and I have to remind myself that it won't sting forever. It won't always feel like I'm struggling to breathe.. my eyes won't always have to fight against the surging tide it struggles to conceal.

I will be okay.
Jesus is my Hope.

Contemplation

I've really been doing quite a bit of thinking lately (like that's anything new) and I've realized that I have come to an interesting crossroad in my life. Here I am, 22 years olf and a mere semester away from my college graduation and I have to admit, it has been the ride of a lifetime. I have seen things that I never thought I would see, smelled things I've never smelled, cried tears I could never forsee myself crying, and have laughed the satisfying laugh of a girl contented. It's an odd feeling. The feeling of detachment from one place and the open prospect of the world lying before you.. I feel like I could do anything, go anywhere.. and yet, I am utterly clueless about the next step. I want to be led of God.. I want to live a life, completely sold out to Him-- a life worthy of my calling. I want to hug orphans in Africa, talk to gypsies in Italy, shake hands with men in Israel-- I want to love unconditionally, travel the world, make His Name known. I guess the thing that intrigues me is that I have been thinking and praying about where to go next.. and where I feel led next.. well, let's just say that it's completely blindsided me. I know one thing and one thing for sure- without a doubt, I am called to Italy and I know that Italy is where I will eventually end up.. but.. not yet. For some unexplainable reason, I feel as though there is a mission for me to accomplish state side before I head to Europe, and for some reason, I feel as though I need to be in Florida. This is an all around scary thought for me. Why you may ask? Simple. For nearly 7 years now, Florida is the one place in the world that I have dreaded going back to. It holds so many negative memories for me.. memories I would rather forget and act as though they have never happened. Those who know me well, know that I have always said that I would never move back to Miami.. and it is totally out of character for me to say this, but I feel as though I have to go back. I don't know what God is wanting to accomplish, and I am still praying fervently about this decision, as I am unsure and want to be completely certain that I am following the steps that God has ordained for me to take, but this has been pressing upon my heart so heavily lately, and as of yet, I can't tell whether it's just me missing my family or me momentarily going mad, but nonetheless, it is a feeling I cannot shake. I return to Miami, FL for the first time in nearly 5 years this July and I am praying fervently for answers, discernment, and clarity. Please pray that God would make His will known, and that I would have the courage to follow wherever that may take me.

Thank you guys.

.Mon Cheri Etrange.

Accidentally on Purpose

I find myself oddly inspired:

Bodies plastered wall to wall with a backdrop of COOL
Hot breath fleeing from mouth to ear and back to mouth again
Afraid to INHALE and let the words consume your soul...
Instead they fall flatly on the floor.. and then we wonder why the ground is so sticky.. (?)
And the comics line the walls screaming truthful obscenities few can hear bc all we can hear is our own white STATIC.
So consumed by our own heartbeats we're growing inside out- waiting- demanding affirmation for our blood and bones as if we could take the credit for the ingenuity of GOD.
The mind is gasping for fresh air and though we don't do drugs they seem to do us and with each
shallow
breath
minds are decaying..
Because we're attracted to white and shiny, glowing- IMPRESSED.
Can we find the beauty in the dirt?
In the bowls, upon splintered backs?
I'm afraid that we're lost only it's worse because we know the PATH.
We're selling ourselves to the trick that will pay the highest price- in popularity, that is.
Soon we can scarcely make out the noses and the freckles that have held us in their hands..only the obscene.

Monsters

Ghost-
Illusive friend of my tethered soul
Can you hear my steady breathing?
Can you see the rise and fall of my dislocated chest?
Wrap your bones around me
So tight I can scarcely sigh
Feel the warmth of my blood
Underneath your fingertips and crawl
Crawl into this carved out heart
All stenciled and tagged and burned on the edges..
It's a nice place if you can stomach the noise
It won't sting so bad if you swallow the poison..
Maybe this wasn't a good idea.
Pretend.
Disappear.
Leave and watch me turn and run.
You can't feel the burn if you're not even trying
There's no use in tears if you're not really crying.
Just footnotes, and spiders, and shadows in gray.

Sundrenched World

Sometimes, songs just do a better job at explaining things.

I can't get to bed
But I'm really tired
The things in my head
You used to admire
In your sundrenched world
It couldn't be worse
Don't bother asking
And here comes the nerves
While I'm trying to bask
In your sundrenched world

I'm talking to you
But you're not listening
I don't know what to do
My heart is blistering
Writing this song
Tell me I'm not wrong

I close up my mouth
When you're around now
Suffocating in doubt
I can't make a sound
In your sundrenched world
I always wanted to be
The one you looked to
For the answers in me
I'm the one who took you
To your sundrenched world

I'm talking to you
But you're not listening
I don't know what to do
My heart is blistering
Writing this song
Tell me I belong
-Joshua Radin

Daydreaming.

I hate sweet and sour sauce.

(So this is a few months old, but my page looked quite lonely and bare, so I figured I'd post something from my archives of writing.. Enjoy.)

Something that is meant to be sour, should never be coated over with deceiving sweetness. It’s not the way that is was meant to be.

I despise bittersweet situations, and yet, I find that I am trapped in the middle of one almost everywhere I turn. I haven’t quite figured out how I happen to walk into them, I just somehow do, and don’t realize it until I am too far gone. What is the benefit in veiled misconceptions? Especially when you know that they are sirens? Bejewled eyes, dazed, until the sharp edge pierces past your all too delicate skin and the familiar rouge is clearly visible once more.

Merry go rounds make me dizzy. I love them.

Who knew I’d get so tarnished?

So I finally caved..

And got myself a blog spot.
Go Figure.
Buongiorno e Arrivederci.