Contemplation

I've really been doing quite a bit of thinking lately (like that's anything new) and I've realized that I have come to an interesting crossroad in my life. Here I am, 22 years olf and a mere semester away from my college graduation and I have to admit, it has been the ride of a lifetime. I have seen things that I never thought I would see, smelled things I've never smelled, cried tears I could never forsee myself crying, and have laughed the satisfying laugh of a girl contented. It's an odd feeling. The feeling of detachment from one place and the open prospect of the world lying before you.. I feel like I could do anything, go anywhere.. and yet, I am utterly clueless about the next step. I want to be led of God.. I want to live a life, completely sold out to Him-- a life worthy of my calling. I want to hug orphans in Africa, talk to gypsies in Italy, shake hands with men in Israel-- I want to love unconditionally, travel the world, make His Name known. I guess the thing that intrigues me is that I have been thinking and praying about where to go next.. and where I feel led next.. well, let's just say that it's completely blindsided me. I know one thing and one thing for sure- without a doubt, I am called to Italy and I know that Italy is where I will eventually end up.. but.. not yet. For some unexplainable reason, I feel as though there is a mission for me to accomplish state side before I head to Europe, and for some reason, I feel as though I need to be in Florida. This is an all around scary thought for me. Why you may ask? Simple. For nearly 7 years now, Florida is the one place in the world that I have dreaded going back to. It holds so many negative memories for me.. memories I would rather forget and act as though they have never happened. Those who know me well, know that I have always said that I would never move back to Miami.. and it is totally out of character for me to say this, but I feel as though I have to go back. I don't know what God is wanting to accomplish, and I am still praying fervently about this decision, as I am unsure and want to be completely certain that I am following the steps that God has ordained for me to take, but this has been pressing upon my heart so heavily lately, and as of yet, I can't tell whether it's just me missing my family or me momentarily going mad, but nonetheless, it is a feeling I cannot shake. I return to Miami, FL for the first time in nearly 5 years this July and I am praying fervently for answers, discernment, and clarity. Please pray that God would make His will known, and that I would have the courage to follow wherever that may take me.

Thank you guys.

.Mon Cheri Etrange.