Changing.

"If I'd had gone to art school, or stayed in anthropology, I probably would have ended up back in film... mostly I just followed my inner feelings and passions... and kept going until it got warmer and warmer, until it finally got hot... everybody has talent, it's just a matter of moving around until you discover what it is."

-George Lucas.

So, dear readers. I have an important announcement. I have officially changed my major. It is no longer, Counseling. My major is now, Electronic Media Production. I know, crazy, eh? No doubt about it. It has taken soo long for me to actually make this decision.. let it be known, it has been in my head and in my heart for a number of years. I know it seems like nonsense to many. Lunacy. Craziness. Madness. It's okay to voice your opinion. I thought it was for many years.. until now. Tim Burton once said, "One person's craziness is another person's reality".. the truth is my craziness is my reality.. and for the first time ever, I am okay with that. : )

So why the sudden and drastic change? I will answer that by saying it isn't sudden, though it is very drastic. I have always held a keen interest in films.. in film making. The truth is, I am called to the ministry. I have known it since before I even came to know the Lord as my Savior. I really fell into counseling by default. I knew the Lord wanted to use me, so I went to Bible College.. and please don't misunderstand me.. I don't regret attending Bible College. God intended for me to be there for a reason, and I don't question it. I loved being in Bible College, and I still love the fact that I went. I don't regret it. For the past couple of years though, I've felt as though something in my heart, in my being wasn't right.. I felt so direction less. I knew that I was on this path towards graduating Bible College, but I wasn't fulfilled.. like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. Something inside me was restless. Fidgety.

I have always been a highly imaginative and creative individual. I love art. I love literature. I love music. I love history. I love people. I love Jesus. I love FILM. I didn't understand why, if I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, I felt such a huge void.. like I was mechanically doing something without any original thought or desire on my part. I love Jesus, I do.. and ultimately, my heart beats for people. Art moves me. Poetry, vision, textures, colors. They invoke something deep and meaningful.. something so great within my soul, that it is all I can do to keep my mind and imagination from taking flight. I am a lover of beauty.. and I have always felt a burning need to bring the beauty of life, that beauty, that overwhelming feeling that brings tears to your eyes, that beauty that the Lord created our souls to know, to people in a very real way and through a very direct avenue. I can't explain to you how I knew that I was supposed to be doing film. If I knew myself, that would be ideal. I just know that I woke up one morning and very literally looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself, "What am I doing with my life?" and I couldn't really formulate an answer.. and I knew, right then that I needed to stop living my life for others. I was in Counseling, because it was a safe place for me to be.. a major that was easy for my family to accept. I knew that if I did something crazy, like do what I really wanted to do (film), it would create waves.. waves that, quite frankly, I wasn't sure I could stand up against. But I'm 23. I can't live my life for my family, I can't live my life for my peers, and I can't live my life for my mentors.. heck.. I can't even live my life for myself.. I live my life for HIM.. and I know that the Lord planted these deep set desires in my heart for a reason.. and I know that what I want to do, what I have always wanted to do, what I feel I was created to do, is to make films. I know it's unorthodox. I know that film making is not the average Christian's idea of ministry, but I'm not your average Christian. Film making is my ministry. I want to be a light, and shed light. I want to revolutionize the film making industry for Christians. I want to break the boundaries and parameters of Christian media and bring something real, and raw, and unhibited to the screen. I want to make films that will reach through the screen and touch those who view it. I want to make people feel and think things that perhaps, they have never allowed themselves to think before. I want to bring the love, the beauty, and the passion of a risen Savior to the eyes and ears and hearts of a media driven generation.. and I want to do it in a way that will revolutionize our idea of Christian films. I know that all these things are weighty. I know that they seem impossible, but, through Him, ALL things are possible.

So, perhaps I am mad.. but I feel excited, and alive, and vibrant, and hopeful for the first time in a long time. My favorite director is Tim Burton. His latest film, Alice, is a wonderland (literally) of ingenuity, creativity, and feeling. I have seen this movie twice so far, and each time I watch it, one scene stands out to me the most, a scene I have taken as my own personal motivator:

The Mad Hatter says to Alice:

"Have I gone mad?"

Alice checks his temperature and says,

"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret.. all the best people are."

I love you guys. Please pray for me, if you can, and I will post more at the earliest convenience. I am setting a goal to update my blog at least once a week, if not more, so there will be much more postings to come! :))

Karla.

xoxo